


I'm sorry

by sseundalkhom



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Post-Break Up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-27
Updated: 2018-11-27
Packaged: 2019-09-01 04:45:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16758202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sseundalkhom/pseuds/sseundalkhom
Summary: All days seem fine. He passes it as if he is fine. Well, he seems fine although, within him, he admits that he is never fine after the breakup. Because of his idiotic decision, he broke his own heart. He has gone through everything which made him going mad at himself because he could not get over the fact that he has been single since that night. Since the last fight when he left Seungcheol alone.





	I'm sorry

All days seem fine. He passes it as if he is fine. Well, he seems fine although, within him, he admits that he is never fine after the breakup. Because of his idiotic decision, he broke his own heart. He has gone through everything which made him going mad at himself because he could not get over the fact that he has been single since that night. Since the last fight when he left Seungcheol alone. 

He left part of his soul there, being alone. 

One time he was relieved, at least Seungcheol would find someone better than him; awfully love him in a not childish way, understand with everything surrounds him and the part where that person will never be like Jihoon or worse than him. Yet, for countless times he regrets a bit of letting this relationship not worked as it was supposed to be, he regrets to not _at least_ being mature even for once for Seungcheol; to be understanding with people in _his_ circle. 

Just like today, as he is staring into the water droplets soaked the window, his mind roams back to the time where they were together; those happy times, those countless exhausting nights, those days when he gave a cold shoulder towards him — if only he can turn back the time, he chooses to fix everything; not falling for Seungcheol, not hurting himself, busy focusing on his golden days instead of paying attention on his poor heart. 

Sadly he cannot go back in time. 

Jihoon lets out a sigh. Steering his straw, he put another resigned sigh escaped. 

"You don't mind if I sit here?" 

He lifts up his gaze when he hears the familiar voice. He is taken aback. He never wishes to meet that person again on his bad day, bad hair, bad condition. Jihoon follows every flow from the way Seungcheol drags the chair out, sitting down before him and smiling widely as if the older is meeting his old friend. His heart beats slowly whenever Seungcheol's eyes blink. He is sure time tickling so slow until he can hear the slow pounding heart and how the world spins around him. 

In Jihoon's eyes, Seungcheol looks fine. He is much finer than him. He does not look like a mess, comparing to Jihoon and his panda eyes. Bright smile. Soft feature. Jihoon can tell Seungcheol lives well, better than he used to be. He looks so manly and handsome. So shining to blind his sight, yet Jihoon does not mind of his shine right now. He only minds himself, his cheap coffee and his shabby clothes right now. 

“You okay?” 

Jihoon simply nods, staring back to his ice Americano and suffocating. 

“You really fine? I can change my seat somewhere.” 

He lifts up his gaze, looking around them and realises the cafe is full. It is a rush hour and no empty seat beside the one Seungcheol sits on. He shakes his head. 

"It's okay, you can sit there. I will finish soon." 

The older frowns. "You know I wish to have a little time with you, a little longer." 

Jihoon says nothing as he drifts back to his ordinary mode. He is afraid of responding to what Seungcheol has said earlier. It aimed at what Jihoon has dodged. He can not let have a longer time with that man, or else he will let himself falling for him. He just--not ready. 

“Hey,” he calls, slowly puts his hand against the younger male, “I want to have a little chat with _old friend_ , is it not okay?” 

Jihoon pulls back his hand, awkwardly makes an obvious line to not let both of them crossing it again. Well, he hesitates of drawing that line, between not letting himself fall for another chance and being not ready obviously to meet the male sooner or later, the worst is right now. Because he is scared if suddenly he falls in love with Seungcheol and let himself hurting the both of them _again_. He just can not let it slip away easily, he acknowledges how precious their poor hearts are; also, if Seungcheol already has someone else and toy around with Jihoon’s feeling who still attached to their past relationship—it will give him the wrong idea. 

He gulps down his nervous. “It’s okay, as a _friend_ ,” all that he can say. 

“Although I don’t want it as a _friend_ ,” Seungcheol responds quickly, mindlessly arranges his cup and steers his hot latte while Jihoon widens his eyes as he wants a repeat. As if Seungcheol does not make himself clear. 

“I thought…” 

The older shrugs his shoulder. “We are done, for you—not for me,” he mumbles, “life isn’t same when you leave me dumbfoundedly, you know…luckily I get managed myself and here talking to you.” 

"Hyung..." 

His shoulder hunches down. Seungcheol looks disappointed at how he addresses him. "You usually--" 

"Seungcheol." Jihoon's tone is clear to his ear. He calls him in a demanding tone, trying to get the older's attention to where the younger leads their conversation. He smiles. 

"Yes." 

"You know we can not do all things we used to do in the past, right?" 

Seungcheol shakes his head. He clearly has no idea that they can not do anything they used to do before when he hopes they are still the same ones. Well, he tends to do believe that they are not changing to the path where they walking separately. He tends to believe that Jihoon is still his. He always believes that Jihoon will come back and they will improve together; they will fix everything, start everything from zero however what he has found--Jihoon is a mess, talking as if they are in different terms. 

“Choi Seungcheol, should I make myself clear?” His voice trembles, somehow Jihoon holds so much shiver inside him to not burst and throw himself again to Seungcheol and gives up to his life. He will repeat himself; how much he wants to break apart with Seungcheol, how he wants to live without the older, how—

“But your appearance talks louder about you want us back.” 

Jihoon sighs. “I don’t need to hear you.” 

“And I don’t need time to hear your bullshit excuse, right? We can go back,” he affirms, talking as if it is a piece of cake for him, to his condition without considering Jihoon’s belief. 

“No…I can’t go back. You have heard me clear that day, you deserve better, Seungcheol.” 

“And?” He cocks his brow at him. “And what you do want after I get someone better? Fall in love with them? Marry them even though you own my heart?” 

“Choi Seungcheol,” he calls between his gritting teeth. His eyes show fury within, glowing brightly yet for the older, he shows his persistent self of supporting his inner lie. 

“How about you? Living like this until the end of time? You are a considerate man, Jihoon—and you know well how much we depend on each other.” 

Jihoon sips his coffee, one shot and finishes it all before he stands up from his seat. He does not spare a glance towards him, soon after he leaves. Leaving no excuse. Leaving a vague unspoken answer. Leaving the air where Seungcheol is being there. Leaving all the longing he holds back with the empty cup. 

Today he should close his memory with him, either he will suffer or not from the pain of turning back the point where he misses the latter. 

* * *

The thing he remembers is his empty cup. He should refill it soon or he will be sleepy in a while, but his natural slot put him staying on his seat and staring through the window. He can not think straight and his paperwork is waiting to be done this week. He does not know what to do. Everything seems dull and he does not want to move if only the cup can refill by itself. 

There he goes. Walking idly and holding his cup tight straight to the automatic coffee machine, he refills his cup with roaming minds. Also, there goes his awareness about his surrounding. He stands side by side with the man he shall avoid in his lifetime. 

_Choi Seungcheol._

“You and your lazy ass,” he nags. The man drops his coffee and boom—his heart is shattering by the older’s voice, even his coffee is being spilt and ended up a waste. He should be able to be careful. Now he must replace the glass and go from the shadow of Seungcheol. If he is not able to stand up and face Seungcheol in such a situation.

The older grabs his arm and putting a smile all over his face. “Don’t go, I will make one for you—the usual, right?” 

Jihoon does nothing, besides insisting to draw himself from him; trying to run away from the love of his life; saving his poor heart from that man and wanting to get to his comfort zone without any intruder. He shoves his hold away rudely and giving the bitter look. However Seungcheol keeps on his smile appearing, in a second it turns to a frown. 

“You don’t have to.” 

“…but I want to.” 

“Seungcheol.” His call is overlapped with another voice. The older instantly turns around and embracing the person Jihoon does not know, _well_ , he does not need to know. He takes the chance to rush back to his spot, without a glass, without the coffee and he knows, he would suffer from doziness now or later and hard. 

Today is a hard day. 

* * *

And it’s continuing until the time he goes home. Because of the certain person. The certain person who is waiting for him, in front of his door with a coffee next to him and a newspaper in his hand. Wearing his cheeky smile, he points that to Jihoon and dropping down the newspaper before he sips on his coffee. 

“Finally,” he whispers. 

Jihoon’s lips quirks disbelievingly. “What?” 

“We can go home, I’ll give you a ride like usual.” 

The elder walks him by his side, holding his hand tight as if he never wants to let for the second time. Jihoon gives up on his exhausted energy, letting the man takes him and leads the way for themselves. He just wants a healing after work, perhaps Seungcheol will take him anywhere, any paths to home so he can get a rest after that. 

“You look tired.” 

“Don’t I always get tired?” 

Seungcheol just hums, nodding all the way. “Without cola and chicken, you’ll be stressed out. Plus no caffeine. You will miss a good day.” 

“You’re right. But when I saw you, I missed that good day…the fact I could not refill my coffee.” 

The taller man chuckles. “I’m sorry, sweetheart.” 

“…do you think we’re done with those pet-names?” 

Seungcheol shakes his head. “Nope, why?” 

“….we’re done, remember?” 

“No, I can’t recall, Jihoon. Because I never said yes to your offer of breaking up. Only yes when you wanted to watch Breaking Dawn.” 

Jihoon snorts. “C’mon…we’re done. And I’m tired.” 

“I know,” he said, but he keeps Jihoon close to him although they have arrived at the basement. Soon after Seungcheol drags him to his car, they depart.

The older one lets Jihoon taking a sleep while he drives him home, just like the good old days when everything was fine. When he could see Jihoon roaming around their apartment, when he could spend a dinner with him, when Jihoon was so soft, and everything that relates to Jihoon; he calls it ‘damn good old days’. 

Seungcheol sighs. He taps his hand against the steering wheel, hums to the melody his radio playing on, steals a glimpse of sleeping Jihoon; it feels good. Everything seems perfect when Jihoon is with him. As long as he is with him, Seungcheol feels enough. He will not ask anything else. 

* * *

It has been 15 minutes when they arrive in front of Jihoon’s apartment, yet Seungcheol does not disturb his sleep until now. He only looks at him with the longing stare. 

“Do you have to be like this?” 

Seungcheol startles. “You awake?” 

“Since 15 minutes, I’m sensitive, right?” 

He snorts. “I’m sorry.” 

“Do you miss me that much?” 

The older nods. He wants to say the answer, but he wants to scream to tell the world how much he misses the latter. He misses **a lot**. 

"Me too. But I guess, it's useless." 

"Why?" 

"Because we're done. We can not fix the decision I've made." 

The elder sighs. He wonders if only his favourite person in this world won't be this stubborn, this issue will be easily solved. No one gets harm. _If only_ …

“We can start, restart everything _afresh_ if only you want, I don’t want to make you like this—exhausted and living in misery,” he implores, trying hard to dispel Jihoon’s doubt about their future, their relationship, and everything. He talks while looking straight into that man’s eyes, assuring him that everything will be okay; like he wants to live only with him, just being with him and just him. 

“We can make it worked,” he vowed, “no matter how difficult it will be, to deal with you, to deal with me, to deal with us, I promise you….” 

Jihoon blinks. He looks baffled as he watches the elder fishing a box out of his pocket. He is momentarily lost for words. He is staring at the opened box. 

“…I promise you a happy beginning, a new page with full of hope, a world where we live under the same roof,” he chokes a tear, Jihoon is being a scaredy cat who afraid of making Seungcheol in tears, “marry me, Jihoon.” 

There is a silence. 

“Marry me, please…” he begs, “I don’t want to lose you anymore.” 

A tear drops, sliding down on the younger’s cheek; it is not a sad tear anyone ever expect, it is a happy tear where Jihoon has never expected before. He feels his stomach flipping down and time goes slower than ever, he is much happy. But this proposal is like typical Choi Seungcheol might do. He will do making everything as a surprise for him since the first day they met to the day they dated; since the last fight where he did not hear any response of the break-up to that day when they shared a table; also today, when he saw him and he got dragged into his car to the time when he is staring intently at that man. It is beyond his expectation. 

“Seungcheol…” he whispers, trembling in his voice and eyes, looking at the man before him proposing. He chokes on tears. 

“Please,” he says. 

Jihoon’s hand covers his mouth, still in disbelief at the fact the ex-boyfriend of his proposing to him. His brain is not working at this moment so he can not say any words out of his lips. He just nods in silence. 

No need to count a minute, Seungcheol slides down a ring to Jihoon’s finger and pulls the latter into a warm hug. He embraces the world, the future in his arm. The future he has ever dreamed before, now it comes true and he can not replace the space with anyone unless it is Jihoon himself. 

“Thank you,” he whispers. It is a sincere gratitude for Jihoon coming back into his life; starting the relationship on another level where they have to be serious regarding everything henceforward. They can not take it every feeling easy; they just should have overcome every matter wisely, not taking a childish decision, not leaving each other’s side, and the most important, they have to love each other every second. 

“I love you,” Jihoon says. 

Seungcheol cannot be thankful than this. He hears it again, the three words flutter his heart and make his knee weak. As if Jihoon comforts his heart to let him know, ‘Jihoon still loves him just like before’. 

“I love you….” he pauses, “and I’m sorry for everything.” 

A thin line draws on Jihoon’s lips, he pats the man’s back and saying, “it’s okay, me too.” Like that, as simple as they say sorry, they piece the bond together and start the journey of their life. 

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading but I'm waiting for your comment~~~   
> also, kindly forgive me about the grammartical error


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